From: Gary S. Gevisser
Sent:
Tuesday, August 19, 2003 4:46 PM
To: William Bonning
Cc: rest
Subject: Mr. Shoell's award-winning house located on Pine Needles, not tu be confused with the
Jeffrey Pines still pining in Pine Valley.

 

Attention: Patti Jelley - Principal - Jelley Properties.

 

Mr. Bonning - Please inform Ms. Patti Jelley that despite her initial erroneous contention that Marie’s written proposal 4 renting Mr. Shoell's property on Pine Needles in the better section of Del Mar, was contingent on the closing of her property on Barbados Way, Marie spelling this out in no uncertain terms in paragraph 3, that in all other respects Ms. Jelley was acting in "good faith" seeking 4 her client, Mr. Shoell, the best deal she could "under the sun", in no way obligated under any “fiduciary” tu get back tu Marie who in all probability got the "ball rolling" in the first place tu mention little of Ms. Jelley's edging us on indicating how much difficulty she was having in renting out this rather unique space, her parting words before describing tu us the “hot looking surfer” just down the road “4 our 14 year old” a far cry from how she described the horse-racing “silicon clad” crowd she was going tu be entertaining on Sunday, the day after our one and only meeting, "any reasonable offer" would be "seriously considered", Marie’s proposal just $300 per month “shy” of Mr. Shoell’s supposed offer, tu mention in passing Marie also agreeing tu pick up "two-thirds of the property’s utility bills which Ms. Jelley indicated was “negotiable”, Marie expecting at least a “call back” giving her the opportunity “tu up the ante” as opposed tu Ms. Jelley calling me earlier today more than 24 hours after I dropped off Marie’s proposal at Jelley Properties headquarters in downtown Del Mar, wishing me “Good Luck”, me now thinking the seller’s best interests being served by a “inflationary bidding war” mitigating wouldn’t u agree the possibility of any “under the table” deal i.e. slight of hand that so many of us more sophisticated players make it our business tu mitigate, day in and out, nothing quite like having a beef with me, my mother the “Charm School Queen” imparting tu the world The Importance Of Being A Woman, this size paragraph almost a record-breaker, at least we can agree on that?

 

Perhaps Marie’s mistake was in not setting a time limit 4 Ms. Jelley tu get back tu her with a response thus limiting the amount of time “tu go out shopping” 4 G-d only knows who one can run into at say a mall, perhaps a “would be predator” nothing quite like a “predators ball” eyeing out sum delectable not tu be confused with the “smoking gun evidence” in my possession of corruption at the highest levels of our State Government pertaining the most recent California Gubernatorial elections, tu mention u all now joining the “spotlight”, limestone possibly doing more damage tu the “Is” [sic] and I assume u have read Nelson Mandela’s the “Last Big White Hope” [sic] and be4 u know it the “Nays have it” naySayers tu boot, time tu welcome in a breath of fresh air, agree?

 

U along with your colleague Ms. “Lock-hands” Lokanc were copied on the last email I sent out earlier this afternoon tu the current manager of Seacrest=Ccrest, our B&B Café over in Minehead, England using Marie’s current email address, my computer still on the “blink”.

 

Please stay tuned as I go about turning “up the heat” on those who play it a little tu close “tu the fire” as in risking “the farm” along the lines of, “A nod nod here, a nod nod there, everywhere a nod nod, Oh McDonald had a farmEIO” which reminds me do u know if GEICO offers Professional Liability Insurance as in “E&O” [Errors & Omissions] coverage not tu be confused thou with Directors & Officers Insurance as in “D&O”?

 

Even if those who “comply” within the so-called “limits of the law” us serfers of The Internet are getting more informed with each tick of the clock that many of the laws that are “on the books” were put in place by those politicians “bought & paid 4” not necessarily by hard-working, honest, United States taxpayers less than 4 paychecks away from being out on the street, who if the markets implode as I suspect they will if we don’t all get our “shit together” won’t be able tu afford the insurance u folks could soon start peddling and if u haven’t yet heard of Judge Kamins, not tu be confused with the Cayman Islands as in “off balance sheet” accounting, please stay posted although if u feel the need tu take a crap, please go “write ahead” [sic] and if the power goes out I would assume that sumone like yourself so familiar with my writings as in The Fish Rots From The Head Down would know given the “waste build up” u know “first hand” getting tu “The Head” should be “easy pickings” even in the dark, my understanding was that T. Boone Pickens was recently seen in the neighborhood perhaps at the Del Mar racetrack, tu mention little of my dog Tipeetoe who remains, very much “All feet, no teeth tu his bark and afraid of the dark” my typing on a “foreign computer” not used tu my spelling errors all the more difficult, still thou maintaining a pace of at least 100 words per minute.

 

If in fact this is a little over your head, again I suggest as I have done in previous emails that u forward such communications on tu those in “higher authority”, Ms. Jelley very much anticipating hearing from me via your email account, at least my read of her “slamming the phone” on me was her rush tu get tu your computer terminal, hopefully not “tripping out” losing her way and I assume Ms. Jelley is a “big tipper” and of course I would be most surprised if Ms. Jelley ever did any drugs, so high thou on her incredible “good looks” and of course Ms. Jelley will remember “my Marie” pointing out Ms. Jelley’s “big stick” in reference tu u folks sending out the Big Kahuna tu show Mr. Shoell’s ever so famous award-winning home.

 

Now, of course that “slamming” business was sumwhat of an exaggeration given how “cool headed” Ms. Jelley must be keeping the likes of u and Ms. Lokanc “under wraps” which is why I called her back just tu make certain there was nothing lost in the translation, i.e. not only tu I not take kindly tu “unsolicited calls” but I tend tu frown upon those who dare tu hang up on me simply because I make a point of not taking kindly tu one way conversations “Ms. Shoell”[sic] insisting twice that Marie’s proposal had “built in contingencies” the full text without the monthly rental amount can now be accessed below:

 

Attention: Patti Jelley

Date: August 17th 2003

 

 

Dear Patti,

 

I would like to propose the following with regard to the property on Pine Needles.

 

A monthly rental of $X per month plus two-thirds of the property's utility bills. The rental period to begin November 1st, 2003 and continue through October 31st, 2004 with a two year option, occupancy to begin anytime between when the rental agreement is signed and November 1st, 2003.

 

In the event my property on Barbados Way does not close by October 15th, 2003 as prescribed in the closing documents then I will still proceed ahead with this rental.

 

Furthermore, should the area below become available I would like a first “right of refusal” to rent this space.

 

Lastly, should the property be placed on the market “for sale” I would like a “first right of refusal” to purchase it at the “offering price.”

 

 

Marie Dion Stewart

 

 

Please advise Mr. Shoell who I understand from Ms. Jelley has children not quite in a position tu afford living in his remarkable house, “most likely the house will be sold once Mr. Shoell bites the dust” [sic] that his very special spot remains perfectly suited 4 us all, Ms. Jelley informing us right from the start that she didn’t c Mr. Shoell having any problem with both of our dogs, both toilet trained, only on occasion sniffing other dogs’ business #1 and #2, i.e. when sumone starts screwing around with me or my loved ones, “watch out” the likes of u being assured of too things; first I abhor any form of violence, preferring instead tu match my wits against those at best I consider “mental midgets” the other alternative is that sum of the idiots that are “out and about” are also dishonest, our jails full of rather smart people who thought that they could “cut a corner or 2” forgetting at a minimum that G-d watches each and every one of our moves, at X tis better tu take a deep breath remembering the old adage, “Tis better tu keep quiet and let people think u tu be a fool than tu speak out and remove all doubt” and need I remind u how much I detest those who derive great satisfaction in exceeding the limits of their small authority, i.e. evil doesn’t come in the form of a pointed tail or pitched fork.

 

In continuing tu give Ms. Jelley the benefit of the doubt that she was simply having a “bad hair day” G-d forbid she would like tu c Mr. Shoell take a “haircut” I hereby “up the ante” by making an offer of $100 more per month than what Ms. Jelley tells me the other party “proposed and Mr. Shoell accepted”, my believing that it is sumwhat unlikely that Mr. Shoell as sophisticated as must surely be albeit the “Power House” architect, very well balanced tu boot, would be so “trigger happy” tu accept an offer coming so quickly “on the heels” of Marie’s offer without Marie being given the opportunity “tu bid up”, once again I think I can count on all of u tu embrace a “competitive bidding war” as inflationary as it might be, tu mention little of the heartache it has now created not only 4 other members of our family, yet though tu inform either Pypeetoe or Maggie, but 4 others on my email list which as u must surely know by heart represents a statistically valid sample of the world’s population so keenly tuned in tu our Perfect Storms, practice makes perfect, golf greens tu abandon, Random House possibly interested in Manager Minute One, agree?

 

Good Day,

 

Gary S. Gevisser

The Pisser